Caleb's Heart Story: Tiresome Tears

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Tiresome Tears

Last night was rough. Unexpectedly, lots of tears. Before Kailey's bedtime, she crawled up into my bed with Caleb's photo album. We looked at them together, and talked about how this baby to be has a heart that's ok. I did fine with this. Later on, however, after she was fast asleep in her room, I just lost it. I looked through his pictures again, and all the emotions hit me full force. Not just a few tears, but noisy, shaking, all out bawling. I want more pictures. More memories. More time. I want Kailey to know her brother that is gone from us.

I know that as I continue to mourn, it will hit me with no warning. It's been that way for awhile. I miss you my little chunky boocious. :)

3 comments:

Kristine from Cora's StoryMay 21, 2011 at 2:57 PM
I remember thinking that I'd run out of tears I cried so much. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you love today. xo
ReplyDelete
Replies
Jill May 21, 2011 at 3:28 PM
Ugh...I know what those tears are like....I also understand why they used to tear their robes in Bible times. There have been many moments of wanting to fall to my knees and tear my clothes in agony and grief...

Although Kailey won't know her brother like you or I want her to, she will know him in ways that we won't understand. Just keep doing what you are doing and she will know him and continue to love him.

xoxo
ReplyDelete
Replies
Hazel NutMay 23, 2011 at 10:57 AM
Thinking of you today and sending you strength.
ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

CHD Facts

What is a congenital heart defect? A congenital heart defect is an abnormality in any part of the heart that is present at birth. Heart defects originate in the early weeks of pregnancy when the heart is forming. About 35,000 infants (1 out of every 125) are born with heart defects each year in the United States (1). The defect may be so slight that the baby appears healthy for many years after birth, or so severe that his life is in immediate danger.

Heart defects are among the most common birth defects and are the leading cause of birth defect-related deaths (2). However, advances in diagnosis and surgical treatment have led to dramatic increases in survival for children with serious heart defects. In the United States, about 1.4 million children and adults live with congenital heart defects today (3). Almost all are able to lead active, productive lives (1).

The American Heart Association directs only $0.30 of every dollar donated toward research. The remainder goes toward administration, education and fundraising efforts. Of the $0.30 that goes toward research only $0.01 goes toward pediatric cardiology for CHD.

Did You Know? Nearly twice as many children die from Congenital Heart Defects in the United States each year as from all forms of childhood cancers combined.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) is a condition in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. Usually, the left ventricle, the left atrium, the mitral valve and the aorta are affected. It is called a syndrome because it can encompass several different variations and varying degrees of development of these parts of the heart.

Babies with HLHS do not have problems while in the womb - it is only after birth that the heart fails to work properly. This is because all babies receive oxygen from the placenta while in the womb, so blood does not need to go to the lungs. In addition, there is an opening between the pulmonary artery and the aorta, called the patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) that is present in all babies. It allows the blood to go from the right ventricle out to the body, bypassing the left side of the heart.

Ventricular Septal Defects (VSD)
It is a hole in the wall separating the two lower chambers of the heart.

Coarctation of the Aorta (COA) It is a narrowing of the major artery (the aorta) that carries blood to the body.
Coarctation of the aorta occurs in about 6 to 8 percent of all children with congenital heart disease. Boys have the defect twice as often as girls do.

Large Patent Ductus Arteriosus Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a condition in which a blood vessel called the ductus arteriosus fails to close normally in an infant soon after birth. (The word "patent" means open.) The condition leads to abnormal blood flow between the aorta and pulmonary artery, two major blood vessels surrounding the heart.

ASD-PFO
A patent foramen ovale (PFO) is a defect in the septum (wall) between the two upper (atrial) chambers of the heart. Specifically, the defect is an incomplete closure of the atrial septum that results in the creation of a flap or a valve-like opening in the atrial septal wall.

Arrhythmia
An arrhythmia is an abnormal heart rhythm. There are many different types of arrhythmias that range from harmless to life threatening. An arrhythmia can be regular, meaning it occurs at evenly spaced intervals, or irregular, meaning it has no pattern.

Second Degree- Heart Block
only some electrical impulses reach the ventricles. The heart may beat slowly, irregularly, or both.
On an EKG, the pattern of QRS waves doesn't follow each P wave as it normally would.

All About Caleb Thomas

*Your feet were ticklish :)

*You didn't like when the nurses changed your diaper.

*You always had your head layed to the right side.

*You made the cutest little snorting noises.

*You loved your froggie soothie buddy.

*You always tried to pull out your oxygen- and succeeded numerous times. :)

*You had the softest skin.

*Your smell is still with me- I remember it exactly.

*You had the most adorable hair... with a reddish tint.

*While in the hospital, you shared a few toots with me... I won't tell :)

*You were the strongest person I have ever met. You are my hero.

*You were PERFECT.