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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Tiresome Tears

Last night was rough. Unexpectedly, lots of tears. Before Kailey's bedtime, she crawled up into my bed with Caleb's photo album. We looked at them together, and talked about how this baby to be has a heart that's ok. I did fine with this. Later on, however, after she was fast asleep in her room, I just lost it. I looked through his pictures again, and all the emotions hit me full force. Not just a few tears, but noisy, shaking, all out bawling. I want more pictures. More memories. More time. I want Kailey to know her brother that is gone from us.

I know that as I continue to mourn, it will hit me with no warning. It's been that way for awhile. I miss you my little chunky boocious. :)


  1. I remember thinking that I'd run out of tears I cried so much. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you love today. xo

  2. Ugh...I know what those tears are like....I also understand why they used to tear their robes in Bible times. There have been many moments of wanting to fall to my knees and tear my clothes in agony and grief...

    Although Kailey won't know her brother like you or I want her to, she will know him in ways that we won't understand. Just keep doing what you are doing and she will know him and continue to love him.


  3. Thinking of you today and sending you strength.