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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Smell so Sweet

The strangest thing happened this afternoon. (And I might sound insane.) While I was laying on my bed, I randomly had the notion to smell my hand. My right hand. I teared up. It was Caleb's smell. His exact smell. It brought me right back to those few days with him. It lingered for a minute,then was gone. Was he there with me for that moment? While he was in the CICU, I always stood to the left of him. He always had his head turned to the right side, so this way I could see all of him. I always used my right hand to touch his soft face, toes, and hands. Boy, do I miss him.

I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

Kailey talks more and more about Caleb as the weeks have passed. She brings him up daily. She will say things like, "I miss brother", "I wish I could hold him", or "He was a chunk." :) She gets that last one from hearing us talk about him. Today, while driving in the car, Elton John's song "Tears in Heaven" came on. When it was over, the radio host said the name of the song and all that stuff that they do. Kailey yells from the backseat, "Hey, Heaven! Just like brother!" She is only 3, and never got to meet him. But she has grasped so much, and he is her brother forever. Miss you sweet boy.


  1. Lauren, that is truly an amazing experience.I seriously just got chills after reading that. I have no doubt that was Caleb and maybe he was giving you a kiss.

    Kailey is such a sweetheart, I love her so much (you too). You are such a strong woman, Lauren, and I'm honored to be your friend. I look up to you so much as a mother. Caleb will always have a special place in my heart. Hugs!

  2. Lauren, I just love your story. It's amazing how these little guys send memories down to us :) I have had Aaron's smell wash over me a few times and it is so comforting...I always want those moments to just last forever. Love and prayers to you and our sweet boys.