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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Last visit to CCHMC

Yesterday, we drove to Cincinnati Children's to pick up Caleb's medical records. Almost 10 weeks since his death. I was ok, until we were walking past the welcome center desk, and the animal wall. That's where we would come in and then go up to his unit. It just feels right to have his records now, to be able to look through them and see how he was doing. More closure, I guess. Looking through the autopsy part, it says that post-operative bleeding likely contributed to his death. Didn't know that... just to have more of an answer is good.

It's just so tough. I go back and forth on whether or not I wish I had been by his side when his blood pressure dropped so suddenly. I can't go back. And I still agree with the fact that we gave the doctors a litle more time to get him situated back in his room, before we went up. We knew they were taking the best care of him, and were willing to make sure that we weren't in the way. Caleb did so well during the surgery, and I will be forever proud. He was so perfect, and I just think to myself and smile, knowing that each day that passes, brings me closer to seeing his sweet face again.

1 comment:

  1. Bleeding post surgery happens because our sweet babies are on medications that thins their blood. It is more closure.

    Like you said, don't live with the "what ifs." You can't do that. You did everything right. I am glad that you have more answers, it is exactly what you wanted for Christmas :)