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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Through the eyes of a 3 year old

Throughout our pregnancy with Caleb, Kailey couldn't have been more excited. Always kissing my belly, saying hi to brother, and even feeling his hiccups. We knew he would need to be in the hospital, and just explained to her that after he was, he would be home with us. We wanted to bring her to Cincinnati Children's to visit him the day after he was born. But when she came to see me, one look and she freaked. Not sure if it was my iv, hospital gown, hospital setting... probably all of it combined. We decided that she was not ready to see Caleb, with all the machines and wires. I wish she had the chance to meet him. I think about it everyday.

I immediately set out to find a book that we could read to her, to help her try and grasp the reality of his death. We found one, and I think it has helped. From time to time, she will say that she misses him, or point to his picture on the wall and say how cute he is. Sometimes she mentions something about him being in the hospital, or asks where he is. It's tough, but she's doing good.

What hurts the most, is that she doesn't have the baby brother around that we eagerly discussed all these months. Her big sister shirt sits in her closet. I find her in his room, playing with his bibs and diapers for her baby dolls. She would be such a great big sister, she has so much love for him.

Whenever she sees me sad, she tries to cheer me up. Works everytime. :) She gives me the strength to face each new day. Even though life feels anything but right, Kailey fills me up with hope.

1 comment:

  1. Kailey is such a blessing! And I'm so glad you have her to love on and to help you through!!!