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Friday, October 22, 2010

The Magnitude of our Loss

I feel so empty without Caleb. Last night, I designed some announcements, and can't wait to order them. His life here on Earth was 3 short days, but he was our baby boy. Will ALWAYS be our son. What floors me is that some have not even acknowledged the loss of our child. People that I thought would be the first to show that they care, have yet to say a single word. Through all this, I have been awakened to who truly loves our family. And your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us. :)
This is not something we can just recover from, or get over, or forget. This pain is so deep and strong, it will always be within us. Someday, I might be able to smile and truly mean it, or laugh with a sense of joy. But right now, that's just not how it is. I know that I will never be the same person I was before sweet Caleb became a part of our family.
To be completely honest, I still have anger. Immense sadness, and yes, anger. There are just so many emotions, it gets overwhelming. To be pregnant from the end of January until September 27th, it feels so strange to not only, no longer be pregnant, but to also not have him with us. Lots of hugs and kisses to my sweet angel.


  1. Please take your time and grieve as much as you need too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm so sorry you feel like you've lost part of your support system. Maybe they just don't know how to act/know the right words to say. Maybe you can make that a blog post...on what you feel is an appropriate topic of conversation, what you feel is not appropriate. I feel for your family so much, Lauren. I cry every day, and always say a prayer not only to you all, but to Caleb as well.

    "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

    ~2 Corinthians 1:3-5~

    Love you all!

  2. Oh Lauren,

    My heart is broken for your whole family! I have to admit that I don't really know what to say when I see you.....but please know that I pray for you. And you are one of the strongest people that I know. You are a wonderful mother to Kailey. And to Caleb for those three short days you had. I can only imagine how the loss of all the precious moments with Caleb feels. He was so so beautiful. And perfect. And he'll always be a part of your family.


  3. Lauren I think about you just about everyday! I only met you once, but enjoyed talking with you about our pregnancies. I was only a few weeks behind you and your loss hit so hard with our family! I pray for you often and weep for you!
    Don't really have any words of encouragement for you....but I know the Bible is full of them :) Hang in there sweet girl!

  4. Dear Lauren,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can not even imagine what you are going for. Death is so complicated and unfair. But, please know even that here in Minnesota my heart is full of sadness, grief, prayers, and hope for you and your family. I am so glad you began to blog, I've been reading them for a year or so now and realize the power they have in tough times. Please keep writing because I will keep reading!

    Much love and prayers.
    Cassie C.