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Monday, October 25, 2010

1 Month Ago Today

You would be 1 month old today. It feels like just yesterday that you were born, and at the same time, feels like 5 years has gone by. Each day passes slowly by, and time is pretty irrelavant to me. The only thing that keeps us somewhat on a sleep and eating schedule is Kailey. She sure has been our rock. Forcing us to get out of bed and face each new day. Filling us up with laughter as she spins around the house, sings into her microphone, and attempts to do the splits.
Fall has always been my favorite time of the year... the colorful leaves, and the upcoming holidays. But now it's marked with the loss of our baby boy, and I don't even want to think about Christmas. Walking through the stores, seeing the Halloween baby bibs and onesies, and wanting to buy one too. No more baby stuff to buy. It's so depressing.
I go into your empty room, where your urn sits upon your changing table, all your papers in the crib. At this point... we are waiting. Waiting for autopsy results, waiting to see where we get with genetic testing, and waiting for the invoice to be complete so I can make the drive to Cincinnati. (To get all your medical records.)
Today, my emotions are all tangled up. I miss you so much that it hurts.
All my Love,


  1. Doblar Family,
    My love and prayers are being sent to you and to God to carry your hearts and send you healing. I didnt have to meet Caleb in person to see how special he was and is. Truly and ange. thank you for sharing your deepest feelings with us, it is so brave and kind.
    Love and Peace, Gypsi & Family

  2. Hi Lauren, I went to school with your Mom back when she was a cute little cheerleader (and she really was! She's still cute :) I've kept with with your story from her on Facebook. I am so, so sorry your family is having to go through this pain. You're on our prayer chain at church so know there are many people (including other mothers and I'm sure especially one's who've lost a little one) praying for you all. Of course you will never be "normal" again. But you will find a new "normal" that will include always carrying Caleb in your hearts. Keep upright and know that God must have had some very special reasons for blessing you with those wonderful 3 days with your son. He was absolutely beautiful.
    Kim Kirchner
    PS I'm sure your daughter's sweet little cutie-pie face is a great ray of sunshine through your cloud of sadness :)She's adorable.