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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sorrowful Soul

So this weekend will be Easter. When did that happen? Since Caleb's passing, time seems to be slowly creeping by, yet flying past me. It hurts to think about what it would be like, to have him here. There would be another basket to fill with goodies, more pictures to take, another milestone to celebrate.

We received an invitation in the mail a week back or so, asking us to come to Cincinnati Children's for a Service of Remembrance. I haven't been back there since we went and picked up his medical records. I mailed it back that day, we are going to go with Kailey. We can bring a memento of Caleb, such as a picture. They will say his name, and light a candle for him as well. It's going to be so heartbreaking, but I would like to go.

3 days just isn't enough. No amount of time is when you lose your child. It's so hard that I sit here with so many thoughts of what we didn't get to experience with Caleb and share. No diaper change, bottle feed, snuggles, rocking to sleep, coming home, meeting his big sister and others that cared for him.... I could go on forever. It's been close to 7 months now that he had to leave us, and those 3 days are in my mind, clear as ever.

Love you sweet boy. I know that you're watching over us.


  1. Those three days will always be that clear in your mind. Nothing will ever be as vivid as those days. Nothing will replace Caleb and nothing will cloud his memory.

  2. Lauren, I'm so sorry. His pictures are absolutely adorable! I've found that it's when I'm most tired that I miss mine the most - and that is when most moms wish they could just sleep and not take care of a baby. *Sigh* I'm glad you are going to the remembrance ceremony. I think many people, including Hospital staff, will be able to see and learn from the love you have shown for your little guy. It occurred to me that hospitals probably don't see many moms go through losing an infant since so many moms would not even carry to term. You've done a brave, loving thing for Caleb. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always.