Caleb's Heart Story: Looking Back at my Pregnancy with Caleb

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Looking Back at my Pregnancy with Caleb

It truly is amazing. Growing another life inside of you, hearing that heartbeat for the first time, seeing them on the ultrasound screen. My pregnancy with Caleb began with full blown morning sickness. It got so bad that I would just lay on the bathroom floor and cry. I was put on Zofran, and it was great! :) Back to some kind of normalcy, I could keep liquids and food down. Besides that, it was great. I ate all the time, could sleep, and didn't even feel as big as I

was. LOL. Physically, it was good. Emotionally, it was hard. From the first moment of seeing that second pink line, until... well, the worry never left my mind. Caleb was our 4th pregnancy. The fear of losing yet another baby was pretty strong. ( We had Kailey no problem. Then, we lost Noah at 12.5 weeks. Didn't find out he had no heartbeat until 14 weeks. He had heart defects. Next pregnancy after him, we lost the baby at 6 weeks. Both were missed miscarriages. All in all, 3 D and C surgeries.)

We learned about Caleb's heart at the 20 week ultrasound. We also found out it was a boy!!! :) The day began with high hopes for great news on his development, and quickly spiraled into panic for me. I just couldn't believe it. His diagnosis changed at least three times, from initially TOF, then to TGA, then to possible HLHS, along with other issues. Those hour long cardiologist appointments were pretty nervewracking. I just wanted him fixed. Looking back, the ultrasound techs and nurses at my appts were great. I began coming in weekly, and we would joke about his weight and those chubby cheeks on the screen. Lots of hugs and encouragement, and telling me I was doing great, doing everything I could to grow him big and strong. "Everything looks great, besides his heart." I heard that too often. How do you reply to that, much less give them a smile? You just nod your head silently, thinking you must be in a dream.

Coming up on November 9th is my 6 week dr. appointment. And yeah... I DON'T want to go. Not one bit. Don't want to walk into the building, where the last time I was there, Caleb was thriving inside me, and we eagerly discussed my induction date. Don't want to sit in the waiting room, watching others with their babies, or swollen bellies. Don't want to see the nurses, or look at my dr's sad expression. There will be tears, it's probably unavoidable. Just going to be a long day.

5 comments:

It's a Full HouseOctober 24, 2010 at 1:18 PM
Lauren, you did such an amazing job growing Caleb! He was definitely a little chubbmister! I remember looking at that ultrasound picture and all I saw was cheek...such an handsome little man.
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Jill October 24, 2010 at 1:18 PM
I refuse to go to my 6 week appt. My husband is begging me to go, and I won't. Joshua would be 10 weeks old this week and i REFUSE to go.

I give you credit. You are much stronger than I am!
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CatherineOctober 25, 2010 at 7:11 AM
Lauren I used to work at a OBGYN clinic and anyone who lost their baby ect...we would always bring them back ASAP so they wouldnt have to wait in the waiting room. Maybe you could ask the person at the front desk or call ahead and let them know you DO not want to wait in the waiting room. I pray for you daily
Catherine
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Rebekah WilsonOctober 25, 2010 at 10:24 AM
I agree with the post above....call ahead and see if there is a way you wouldnt' have to wait. I am sure they would completely understand. You are a brave and strong woman. I know you can do this. One more hurdle and you handle them with grace. I'm here....know that.
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StaceyOctober 27, 2010 at 1:27 PM
I get it, even with Zoe still with us. I sat in my OBGYNs office on Monday morning, with all of the happy pregnant women. Anger and bitterness overtook me. You are wonderful and amazing.
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CHD Facts

What is a congenital heart defect? A congenital heart defect is an abnormality in any part of the heart that is present at birth. Heart defects originate in the early weeks of pregnancy when the heart is forming. About 35,000 infants (1 out of every 125) are born with heart defects each year in the United States (1). The defect may be so slight that the baby appears healthy for many years after birth, or so severe that his life is in immediate danger.

Heart defects are among the most common birth defects and are the leading cause of birth defect-related deaths (2). However, advances in diagnosis and surgical treatment have led to dramatic increases in survival for children with serious heart defects. In the United States, about 1.4 million children and adults live with congenital heart defects today (3). Almost all are able to lead active, productive lives (1).

The American Heart Association directs only $0.30 of every dollar donated toward research. The remainder goes toward administration, education and fundraising efforts. Of the $0.30 that goes toward research only $0.01 goes toward pediatric cardiology for CHD.

Did You Know? Nearly twice as many children die from Congenital Heart Defects in the United States each year as from all forms of childhood cancers combined.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) is a condition in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. Usually, the left ventricle, the left atrium, the mitral valve and the aorta are affected. It is called a syndrome because it can encompass several different variations and varying degrees of development of these parts of the heart.

Babies with HLHS do not have problems while in the womb - it is only after birth that the heart fails to work properly. This is because all babies receive oxygen from the placenta while in the womb, so blood does not need to go to the lungs. In addition, there is an opening between the pulmonary artery and the aorta, called the patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) that is present in all babies. It allows the blood to go from the right ventricle out to the body, bypassing the left side of the heart.

Ventricular Septal Defects (VSD)
It is a hole in the wall separating the two lower chambers of the heart.

Coarctation of the Aorta (COA) It is a narrowing of the major artery (the aorta) that carries blood to the body.
Coarctation of the aorta occurs in about 6 to 8 percent of all children with congenital heart disease. Boys have the defect twice as often as girls do.

Large Patent Ductus Arteriosus Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a condition in which a blood vessel called the ductus arteriosus fails to close normally in an infant soon after birth. (The word "patent" means open.) The condition leads to abnormal blood flow between the aorta and pulmonary artery, two major blood vessels surrounding the heart.

ASD-PFO
A patent foramen ovale (PFO) is a defect in the septum (wall) between the two upper (atrial) chambers of the heart. Specifically, the defect is an incomplete closure of the atrial septum that results in the creation of a flap or a valve-like opening in the atrial septal wall.

Arrhythmia
An arrhythmia is an abnormal heart rhythm. There are many different types of arrhythmias that range from harmless to life threatening. An arrhythmia can be regular, meaning it occurs at evenly spaced intervals, or irregular, meaning it has no pattern.

Second Degree- Heart Block
only some electrical impulses reach the ventricles. The heart may beat slowly, irregularly, or both.
On an EKG, the pattern of QRS waves doesn't follow each P wave as it normally would.

All About Caleb Thomas

*Your feet were ticklish :)

*You didn't like when the nurses changed your diaper.

*You always had your head layed to the right side.

*You made the cutest little snorting noises.

*You loved your froggie soothie buddy.

*You always tried to pull out your oxygen- and succeeded numerous times. :)

*You had the softest skin.

*Your smell is still with me- I remember it exactly.

*You had the most adorable hair... with a reddish tint.

*While in the hospital, you shared a few toots with me... I won't tell :)

*You were the strongest person I have ever met. You are my hero.

*You were PERFECT.