Caleb's Heart Story: 1 Month Ago Today

Monday, October 25, 2010

1 Month Ago Today

You would be 1 month old today. It feels like just yesterday that you were born, and at the same time, feels like 5 years has gone by. Each day passes slowly by, and time is pretty irrelavant to me. The only thing that keeps us somewhat on a sleep and eating schedule is Kailey. She sure has been our rock. Forcing us to get out of bed and face each new day. Filling us up with laughter as she spins around the house, sings into her microphone, and attempts to do the splits.

Fall has always been my favorite time of the year... the colorful leaves, and the upcoming holidays. But now it's marked with the loss of our baby boy, and I don't even want to think about Christmas. Walking through the stores, seeing the Halloween baby bibs and onesies, and wanting to buy one too. No more baby stuff to buy. It's so depressing.

I go into your empty room, where your urn sits upon your changing table, all your papers in the crib. At this point... we are waiting. Waiting for autopsy results, waiting to see where we get with genetic testing, and waiting for the invoice to be complete so I can make the drive to Cincinnati. (To get all your medical records.)

Today, my emotions are all tangled up. I miss you so much that it hurts.

All my Love,

Mommy

2 comments:

UnknownOctober 26, 2010 at 8:11 AM
Doblar Family,
My love and prayers are being sent to you and to God to carry your hearts and send you healing. I didnt have to meet Caleb in person to see how special he was and is. Truly and ange. thank you for sharing your deepest feelings with us, it is so brave and kind.
Love and Peace, Gypsi & Family
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UnknownOctober 27, 2010 at 9:43 AM
Hi Lauren, I went to school with your Mom back when she was a cute little cheerleader (and she really was! She's still cute :) I've kept with with your story from her on Facebook. I am so, so sorry your family is having to go through this pain. You're on our prayer chain at church so know there are many people (including other mothers and I'm sure especially one's who've lost a little one) praying for you all. Of course you will never be "normal" again. But you will find a new "normal" that will include always carrying Caleb in your hearts. Keep upright and know that God must have had some very special reasons for blessing you with those wonderful 3 days with your son. He was absolutely beautiful.
Peace,
Kim Kirchner
PS I'm sure your daughter's sweet little cutie-pie face is a great ray of sunshine through your cloud of sadness :)She's adorable.
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CHD Facts

What is a congenital heart defect? A congenital heart defect is an abnormality in any part of the heart that is present at birth. Heart defects originate in the early weeks of pregnancy when the heart is forming. About 35,000 infants (1 out of every 125) are born with heart defects each year in the United States (1). The defect may be so slight that the baby appears healthy for many years after birth, or so severe that his life is in immediate danger.

Heart defects are among the most common birth defects and are the leading cause of birth defect-related deaths (2). However, advances in diagnosis and surgical treatment have led to dramatic increases in survival for children with serious heart defects. In the United States, about 1.4 million children and adults live with congenital heart defects today (3). Almost all are able to lead active, productive lives (1).

The American Heart Association directs only $0.30 of every dollar donated toward research. The remainder goes toward administration, education and fundraising efforts. Of the $0.30 that goes toward research only $0.01 goes toward pediatric cardiology for CHD.

Did You Know? Nearly twice as many children die from Congenital Heart Defects in the United States each year as from all forms of childhood cancers combined.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) is a condition in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. Usually, the left ventricle, the left atrium, the mitral valve and the aorta are affected. It is called a syndrome because it can encompass several different variations and varying degrees of development of these parts of the heart.

Babies with HLHS do not have problems while in the womb - it is only after birth that the heart fails to work properly. This is because all babies receive oxygen from the placenta while in the womb, so blood does not need to go to the lungs. In addition, there is an opening between the pulmonary artery and the aorta, called the patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) that is present in all babies. It allows the blood to go from the right ventricle out to the body, bypassing the left side of the heart.

Ventricular Septal Defects (VSD)
It is a hole in the wall separating the two lower chambers of the heart.

Coarctation of the Aorta (COA) It is a narrowing of the major artery (the aorta) that carries blood to the body.
Coarctation of the aorta occurs in about 6 to 8 percent of all children with congenital heart disease. Boys have the defect twice as often as girls do.

Large Patent Ductus Arteriosus Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a condition in which a blood vessel called the ductus arteriosus fails to close normally in an infant soon after birth. (The word "patent" means open.) The condition leads to abnormal blood flow between the aorta and pulmonary artery, two major blood vessels surrounding the heart.

ASD-PFO
A patent foramen ovale (PFO) is a defect in the septum (wall) between the two upper (atrial) chambers of the heart. Specifically, the defect is an incomplete closure of the atrial septum that results in the creation of a flap or a valve-like opening in the atrial septal wall.

Arrhythmia
An arrhythmia is an abnormal heart rhythm. There are many different types of arrhythmias that range from harmless to life threatening. An arrhythmia can be regular, meaning it occurs at evenly spaced intervals, or irregular, meaning it has no pattern.

Second Degree- Heart Block
only some electrical impulses reach the ventricles. The heart may beat slowly, irregularly, or both.
On an EKG, the pattern of QRS waves doesn't follow each P wave as it normally would.

All About Caleb Thomas

*Your feet were ticklish :)

*You didn't like when the nurses changed your diaper.

*You always had your head layed to the right side.

*You made the cutest little snorting noises.

*You loved your froggie soothie buddy.

*You always tried to pull out your oxygen- and succeeded numerous times. :)

*You had the softest skin.

*Your smell is still with me- I remember it exactly.

*You had the most adorable hair... with a reddish tint.

*While in the hospital, you shared a few toots with me... I won't tell :)

*You were the strongest person I have ever met. You are my hero.

*You were PERFECT.