For This Child I Prayed

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my D & C with Noah, our 2nd pregnancy. It was a missed miscarriage. At my 12 week appt, we had learned that things were looking grim for our little one. The NT fluid was high and there was a cystic hygroma. We were told it was probably a trisomy. Two weeks later, at 14 weeks along, we had a morning ultrasound at the specialist, hoping for more answers. Those never came. There was no heartbeat, and measurements concluded that he had passed away soon after that 12 week appt. What shock. I ended up having a 2nd D & C five days after the first, because there was still some tissue inside me.

I'll never forget it. As they prepped me by putting in the iv, talking with us, and signing paperwork, the tears just rolled. They kept telling me that with this type of procedure, the baby would most likely be in many pieces, and unrecognizable. I said I wanted to see it anyway. I had to say goodbye to my husband and parents, walk into that OR room, and lay down on the table. Soon after, the medications took effect, and I was totally out of it.

Waking up afterwards, Kyle brought him to me in a small dish. It was incredible. There was Noah. In one piece, and about the size of my palm. We have a few pictures put away.

Weeks later, I got a call my OB. The testing results were back in. They revealed normal chromosomes. It was confusing, to not have a concrete "why" for this to happen. But it also gave us peace of mind, and the ability to finally know what the gender had been. That's when we named him Noah, meaning peaceful. It just fit for us. Now he was in complete peace.

The cross in my picture is the one that I purchased with my Mom once we learned of his passing. It is on our kitchen wall. It could not have been more perfect- "For this child I prayed." And oh, how we did.