Bittersweet Blessing

Well everyone, I have some BIG news to share!!! I have been waiting to say anything, and it's been a whirlwind of feelings. I am so completely anxious, worried, nervous, excited... pretty much any emotion you can think of. Yes, I am expecting. :) We found out three months after Caleb's death, and it's bittersweet for me. Dealing with his death and the constant heartache is so hard, and I will always be grieving for my sweet son.

I am 15 weeks along. My ob has been great, and I have had 4 ultrasounds by 12 weeks. And I was able to stop in yesterday, after a talk with my nurse, to get reassurance that the heartbeat is still there. She used the doppler so I could get some peace of mind. It's impossible not to constantly worry.

We have kept it pretty quiet, not many know. The 12 wk nuchal scan and bloodwork came back normal, and the heartrate was at 168 at that ultrasound. I have been feeling great these past few weeks, and staying positive the best I can. I have realized that I want and also need support, love, and prayers from those around me. Next week, Friday April 1st, is my next ultrasound. I will be 16 weeks, and it will be the first look at the heart. We will be able to know that there are 4 chambers, and if everything looks ok. Please pray for: a healthy heart, growth to be on track, and strength.

I am praying that this is our rainbow baby. I know that Caleb is watching over us, and already knows what's in store. I just need to try and sit back, take a deep breath, and take it one day at a time.

~A Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope.~