Thursday, September 30th

Grandma loves you Caleb :)

Holding my finger

My perfect sleepyhead

All of our hands together

Daddy and his son

Daddy's hand by his leg

Holding him for the first time!!! :)

Thursday, September 30th- Surgery Day

Things quickly changed over the next 4-5 hours. Kyle called me from the hospital at 8:30 am, telling me that Caleb would be having surgery today. TODAY!? The doctors just felt it needed to be done; his blood pressure was still low. Caleb was only 3 days old. What a hard morning... My mom, sister, and I raced around the house throwing things together. We dropped Kailey off with one of my friends, and I left her home in tears. Kailey didn't understand what was going on, and didn't want me to leave her. It was so hard, it was hell to hear her crying.

We got to Cincinnati Children's about 10 am. I started to cry as soon as I got to Caleb's side. Just to see the iv in his head, and to know that he wasn't as stable as he'd been. I didn't want to give him to them for surgery, didn't want to hear that 20% won't make it, didn't want to be sick to my stomach with worry for the 5-6 hour procedure. We had no choice. Caleb's broken heart needed to be fixed.

Before we brought him down to the O.R., Kyle and I were able to hold him for the FIRST time. It would be the only time that we held him in our arms while he was alive. It felt so good to feel him close, to smell him, touch him, just be with him. My first instinct was to rock him, but it was hard with all his wires, and I didn't want to pull on anything. So I just held him close, and told him over and over again that I loved him. Mommy's here.

Much too soon, it was time to bring him down for the surgery. It would be a Modified Norwood procedure. His chest would be open after surgery, and a pacemaker would be placed when they closed it. We kissed Caleb, and relentlessly walked to the waiting room. I went straight to the bathroom, got down on my hands and knees, and prayed for our little fighter. We got a private waiting room, and a nurse came in every hour to update us. Every time I heard the knock, I got all shaky and nervous.

Every update was positive!!! :) By about 7 pm, we were told that he was off the heart bypass machine, and doing good. YAY!!! :) THAT'S our boy! Then the surgeon came in, smiling, and told us that the surgery went good. He told us that they were able to do what they intended, and to give them about 45 minutes or so to get Caleb back in his room, and then we could see him. He said that the next 24-48 hours were critical, and they would keep a close eye on him. Such a wave of relief! We thanked him, and went out to text and call everyone. We had no idea that our lives would shatter within a matter of 2 hours.

Wednesday, September 29th

Caleb was doing good. :) Kyle spent the day with Kailey back at home, and I stayed with Caleb at the hospital. My mom and sister came up to the hospital in the morning, and we waited for the doctors to do their rounds. Once they came to our room, they told us that he should be stable throughout the weekend, and surgery would be Monday. It would be no problem to wait, we were told. As the day turned into evening, they began to get concerned with his blood pressure. The nurse told us that it was just lower than they wanted it to be. I was worried, and did NOT want to leave my precious boy. But I had to go back home and spend the night with Kailey, and be there for her too. It's so hard. As I was leaving, the nurse was giving him epinephrine, in hopes that it would help his blood pressure. She didn't seem too concerned, and I left with my mom and sister, hurrying back so Kyle could be at Caleb's side.

Well, the epinephrine didn't work, so they gave him calcium. It would be like an electrolyte for his blood pressure. I wanted to be with him more than anything, and my heart just ached for him. Such a strong little man!!! That night, sleep was rough. I woke up out of nowhere at 4:30 am. I checked my phone, no word from Kyle, and I just wanted to see how Caleb was doing. So I called the hospital, and got an update from the nurse. She said that his blood pressure was still a bit lower, but he was doing good. He had an iv in his head now. I got off the phone, and just couldn't sleep. I was worried about him, and just wanted to fix everything.

Sweet dreams my little angel

His favorite froggy friend

Hello sleepyhead :)

Tuesday, September 28th 2010

I got to Cincinnati Children's in the afternoon. SO excited to see my little man! He was adorable. Perfect. in. every. way. He was on a little bit of room air, and he didn't like it! They kept him nice and warm, and had a tv on in his room playing nature sounds. I stayed the day and spent the night with him. Not much sleep for me, every whimper or noise he made and I was at his side quicker than anything. The beeping of his machines became normal to me, along with all the wires surrounding him. I wish I could have just wrapped him in my arms, and never let go. The doctors weren't doing much for Caleb at this point, he was pretty stable. He was just receiving the prostaglandins to keep his patent ductus arteriosus open. They told us that it should be just fine to wait until Monday, October 4th to do Caleb's first open heart surgery, a Modified Norwood.

The nurses caring for Caleb were great. Keeping an extremely close eye on him, they were at his side when he got fussy. He wasn't able to eat, so we gave him sugar water on his soothie. :) He liked that. It's so cute... he always had his head turned to the right. That's how he was always laying, on that right cheek. :) Always made me smile.

My little Caleb, you would be 2 weeks old today. I would do ANYTHING to bring you back to us. Hugs and kisses to my perfect angel. Love, Mommy

Caleb's Birthday 9-27-10

Monday, September 27th was the big induction night!!! :) My husband, mom, and sister Lindsay, all got to the hospital with me at 8 pm. Every emotion was running through me, and I was pretty nervous to say the least. After signing all of the paperwork, the nurse checked me to see if i was dilated at all. We were anxious... I had never been checked during my pregnancy. We find that I'm between a 2 and a 3. :) Well, labor went pretty quick after that! Lol. By 10 pm or so, I was at a 5. They broke a hole in my water, and whew! Painful contractions after that. Got my epidural, and didn't push for more than 10 minutes. Caleb Thomas was born at 11:15 pm!!! 9 pounds 3.6 ounces, and 22 inches long. THAT's our boy! :)

He came out pink as can be, crying, and lots of hair! It was hard to believe by looking at him that anything was wrong with him at all. He was perfect, and made our family complete. They layed him on my chest wrapped up in a blanket. I'll never forget, he had his hand laying against his face. It was precious. I wanted to hold him forever, and never let go. But I knew that they needed to take him and do tests, echos, ultrasounds, etc.

Soon after, Caleb's cardiologist came in to speak with us. We talked about caleb's heart, and joked about his weight. :) That would be in his favor we were told. Before birth, we had known of 4 defects going on, and now the list was about 6. It's so hard to hear, I just wanted to fix him. He told us again that it's severe and complex, and that whatever path the surgeons chose to take, would not be black and white. There would be moderations and differences in comparison to other HLHS babies. Still trying to take it all in, and the excitement of having Caleb finally here with us, made it hard to sleep.

We were switched to a different room, and waited for Caleb to be brought in to us, before he was transported to Cincinnati Children's. They left around 3 am. They were so nice... brought his isolette right next to my bed, and opened the side so I could touch him. :) He was still doing great, very stable, and on room air. It's an hour drive, so Kyle got a bit of sleep, and then left to be by his side. I couldn't wait to get down there as well, I would've left right then if I could! About 2 pm, my Mom and sister came and brought me to see our little peanut. It was hard to see him hooked up to everything. We marveled at his reddish tinted hair :) He was PERFECT!