8 Months Ago

8 months ago today, was one of the greatest days of my life. Our sweet boy with such a sick heart, was born into the world. I remember not getting too nervous, until we reached the hospital for induction. My mom and sister Lindsay arrived that day. We went out to eat, went to the grocery store, and took final pictures of us as a family of three. The hell of it is, we still are a family of three, soon to be four this fall. But noone can see that third part of us, so they don't think it exists. But it does. Caleb is a part of our family. The love I have for Caleb is so great, and I'm reminded of him all the time.

It's so strange how grief works. I haven't been this sad since his death was new and raw. But last night and today, my heart just hurts. I find myself faking smiles for Kailey, and pulling myself out of this fog. She truly keeps me going. And when I feel this little one moving inside me, I am shown again that I am healing, and with every passing day, we get closer to his arrival. This little one will know his brother too.

I planted flowers for Caleb, red and white petunias. Still on the lookout for an angel figurine. There is a stepping stone, that says Love with all your heart, and another saying Bless this Garden.

It feels like it's been 20 years since Caleb's birth, yet like it was just yesterday. After we learned that something was wrong with his heart, months were spent trying to prepare. And within 3 days, it was all over. Sending all my hugs and kisses up to Heaven, Caleb. For you, and all the other heart babies gone too soon.